Loneliness: a warning sign of disconnection

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Extract from the article: Without even realizing it, the world around us can gradually shrink. Fewer steps on the streets, fewer days at the office, canceled plans with friends, conversations that fizzle out in a string of messages with no follow-up. Sometimes, plans slowl...

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Without even realizing it, the world around us can gradually shrink. Fewer steps on the streets, fewer days at the office, canceled plans with friends, conversations that fizzle out in a string of messages with no follow-up. Sometimes, plans slowly fall apart, invitations become rare, and setting a simple date to meet up again becomes a real headache. Without meaning to, a certain emptiness can set in. A slight emotional unease, unusual fatigue, or a vague feeling of disconnection. Could this be loneliness ? Surely, it could be.

Loneliness is not a label that is easily claimed. Many people continue to believe that having friends or being in a relationship is enough to avoid it. Yet it can strike anyone, at any time.

Understanding loneliness

Loneliness is not simply the absence of people around you. It arises mainly from the gap between the relationships you have and the needs you feel, both in terms of quantity and quality. It is a deeply subjective feeling. It is possible to feel lonely in a crowd, or perfectly fine when you are alone at home. Sometimes loneliness sets in slowly, almost imperceptibly. It is only when it becomes persistent that it reveals itself.

Signs not to ignore

Loneliness can manifest itself in many ways. Physically, it can cause a feeling of coldness inside, a sense of emptiness, or even diffuse pain. Research shows that the emotional pain caused by loneliness is perceived by the brain in a similar way to physical pain.

Certain behavioral changes can also be warning signs, such as changes in routines, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and a loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable.

Loneliness can lead to persistent sadness, unexplained fatigue, a feeling of not belonging to a group even when surrounded by people, and hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection.

But it is essential to remember that feeling lonely does not mean you are broken. Loneliness is a normal response to disconnection. According to neuroscientist John Cacioppo, it acts as an evolutionary alarm system. In ancient times, being separated from your tribe meant danger. The brain therefore developed a mechanism to signal this separation and encourage the reestablishment of bonds. In this sense, loneliness is not a weakness but a signal. A call for connection.

It's difficult to talk about it.

Unfortunately, loneliness is still highly stigmatized. There is an implicit shame in admitting it, especially among men. Many people don't dare say they feel lonely for fear of being perceived as weak or rejected. This silence fuels the problem. The less people talk about it, the more loneliness becomes normalized and worsens.

Effects on health

When it becomes chronic, loneliness can have serious consequences for health. According to studies, chronic loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, a weakened immune system, cardiovascular disease, and an increased risk of premature death.

Loneliness can also become a vicious circle: as we become accustomed to it, a negative view of the world takes hold. We expect rejection, we avoid others, and our isolation deepens.

Surrounded and lonely

Even with a spouse, friends, or a fulfilling job, feelings of loneliness can persist. It's not the number of relationships that matters, but their meaning. What's sometimes missing is a deeper connection, a common goal, a shared identity, or simply the feeling of belonging to a group. This is not a matter of ingratitude or weakness. It is a matter of basic human needs.

So what can you do ?

The first step is to ask yourself : what connections are you really missing ? Is it a closer friendship ? A group where you can share your passions ? A common mission ?

Identifying what has worked in the past can help. A book club, a sports group, involvement in an association, or simply regular conversation with a neighbor or local shopkeeper can sometimes be enough to rekindle something.

And if the effort seems difficult to make alone, a professional (psychologist, therapist) can suggest appropriate strategies for creating or strengthening bonds.

The structural causes of loneliness

Loneliness is not always the result of an individual's personal journey. It is also shaped by poor neighborhood planning, social inequalities, working conditions, cultural norms, the long duration of a pandemic, and even climate change (heat waves, disasters, displacement). Loneliness does not simply mean being alone; it is rooted in social isolation imposed by an inhospitable environment.

Raymond DZAKPATA

Source: « The Conversation »