Tips for maintaining sexual intensity as a couple

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Extract from the article: Sex can sometimes become routine and sexual desire can fade. But how can you keep the spark alive in your relationship over the long term? Researchers from the University of Kentucky's Department of Kinesiology and Health Promotion, Kristen P. Mark

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Sex can sometimes become routine and sexual desire can fade.  But how can you keep the spark alive in your relationship over the long term? Researchers from the University of Kentucky's Department of Kinesiology and Health Promotion, Kristen P. Mark and Julie A. Lasslo, decided to pursue their research on this subject in their article entitled « Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model », published in « The Journal of Sex Research ».  Here are some of the factors they found.

Although research on the subject has increased in recent years, low and high desires are still problematised in clinical settings and in the wider culture. However, despite the knowledge that sexual desire ebbs and flows both within and between individuals and that sexual desire problems are strongly linked to relationship problems, there is a critical gap in understanding the factors that contribute to the maintenance of sexual desire in the context of relationships. In their research, Mark and Lasslo have found some common denominators when it comes to keeping sexual desire alive in a long-term relationship.

Attraction

When it comes to a husband or wife, you are probably attracted to one or the other in several ways. This helps to control sexual desire.Another factor commonly found at an individual level that contributes to long-term desire is the feeling of attraction to one's husband or wife.

Independence

Some couples speak for each other and finish each other's sentences. They probably also have their own sense of being. Maintaining autonomy is another factor in keeping the sexual spark alive.Autonomy means possibility and discovery. So while it's great to be part of a couple, it's also essential to maintain individuality and a sense of self.

Sexual confidence

Chances are, whether or not a husband or wife feels confident in themselves, the same applies to a couple. Having confidence and self-esteem can help with sexual desire levels. An example given by Mark and Lasslo comes from a 2015 study which found that when a person prioritises themselves as a sexual being, this can help to increase and maintain sexual desire.

Emotional intimacy

How can you have a more fulfilling sexual relationship with your husband or wife? When you're emotionally connected.That's where emotional intimacy comes in. To maintain sexual desire, the answer is to maintain or increase emotional closeness with your husband or wife. Daily intimacy can also increase sexual desire.

Good communication

Relationship experts often say that « communication is essential » when it comes to a couple, and they're right.In terms of maintaining sexual desire, Mark and Lasslo's research also revealed that communication is an important factor, and they cited numerous sources in support of this. For example, when it comes to relationships, they point out that there is a strong link between communication and satisfaction scores. In addition, sexual communication was another way of connecting couples and bringing them closer together, which can increase desire.

Separating sex and feelings

Desire in a couple is born out of a certain distance from the other person. So to make desire last and revitalise it, we need to think of sex as an activity that doesn't require plunging body and soul into love.  In fact, sex is much more frequent when people make a distinction between sex and the relational and emotional aspects of their relationship.

Passion

While love and trust are two essential elements in a couple's well-being, neither is a guarantee of an intense sex life.On the other hand, passion for love is strongly associated with the frequency of sexual intercourse.

If your libido is low despite all this, consult a specialist therapist who can help you regain your sexual desire.

Jean ELI