Couple: tips for preserving and maintaining sexual desire

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Extract from the article: In a couple, the more routine some things become, from the dinner schedule to how you spend your free time. And sex can also sometimes become routine and the sexual desire can fade. But there are couples who become 'parents', 'siblings', 'good friend

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In a couple, the more routine some things become, from the dinner schedule to how you spend your free time. And sex can also sometimes become routine and the sexual desire can fade. But there are couples who become 'parents', 'siblings', 'good friends' and others who know how to remain 'lovers' and keep the sexual desire going. How do they do it?

In couples organised in a fusional mode, sexual desire wears out over time. This is what most sexologists say. Once the stage of love hypnosis is passed, which lasts about two years, the time for the love bond to take root, sexuality tends to weaken.

University of Kentucky researchers in the Department of Kinesiology and Health Promotion, Kristen P. Mark and Julie A. Lasslo, decided to pursue the issue further. Lasslo, decided to further research this topic in their paper « Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model », which appears in The Journal of Sex Research. In their research, they found some common denominators when it comes to keeping sexual desire alive in a long-term relationship. These include: attraction, independence, sexual trust, emotional intimacy, good communication, separating sex and feelings and passion.

Desire needs possibilities

If the couple gets into the habit during this honeymoon of telling each other everything, doing everything together, sharing everything, even their dreams, sexual desire may even disappear. Because it needs freedom, independence, possibilities. To make the desire last, a couple must therefore be careful not to merge. To keep in mind that 1 + 1 = 2. Like two autonomies, capable of blossoming on their own and only accepting to be one with the other during sexual embraces.

Cultivating a certain climate of sensuality

The quality of a sex life cannot be expressed in statistics. Nevertheless, according to some sexologists, a couple is at risk if they have less than two sexual encounters per month over a year.

Pleasure fosters loving attachment

It is therefore a question of keeping a pace that is conducive to conjugal blossoming. Yes, desire leads to pleasure, which in turn leads to bonding, i.e. to love. This is biologically proven. Sexual pleasure releases hormones, oxytocin and dopamine in particular, which promote attachment. This is what the French neurobiologist and neuropsychiatrist Jean-Didier Vincent calls "the neurochemical duo of happiness".

In order to have a long-lasting desire for each other, a couple must therefore foster a certain climate: preserve the areas of intimacy, seduction and sensuality that existed at the beginning of the relationship. This includes private dinners, romantic weekends, surprises and gifts.

Investing in sexuality

Nothing is worse for desire than to consider sexuality as a pleasant routine, or even as a marital duty. If you want to have fun in bed with your wife or husband for many years, sex has to be a celebration for both of you. The couple must be able to invest in sexuality, desire and enjoyment in the same way.

Paying attention to the other's desire

This obviously involves paying close attention to the other person. We must try to understand what triggers the other's desire: is it stimulated by the visual, for example, the sight of a female body in sexy underwear, or by the auditory, i.e. words of love whispered in her ear?

Vary the scenarios

You should also try to be present to what is happening. Do not repeat the same scenario over and over again. You have to let yourself go with the dynamics of love at the time, to play with the other person's body, in short, to be concentrated in the action.

Feeling good about your body

The image that each person has of their body influences the way they experience their sexuality. If you have complexes, you are less likely to be able to let yourself be seen by others. This problem particularly concerns women, whose sexual desire is closely linked to the desire to seduce their husbands.

Accepting your image

It is therefore a question of learning to coax one's body: changing the way we look at it, adopting a lifestyle that is good for it, that makes it flourish. The more you invest in your body, the more you feel comfortable playing with the other person's body.

The more we consider that they deserve to take pleasure. From then on, we can allow ourselves all the games for two that are likely to bring pleasure. As pleasure, or at least the memory of pleasure taken, rekindles desire, it is won.

Recipe: 50 cl of bissap decoction, 01 teaspoon of cinnamon (powdered), 01 root of fresh ginger (grated), 2 tablespoons of liquid honey. Soak the cinnamon, ginger and honey in the bissap decoction and leave to macerate for 3 days. Strain the drink and shake vigorously before serving. Drink 30 minutes before sexual intercourse.

William O.